When I was a kid, we obtained a kitten. We didn’t buy a cat, or adopt one from a shelter, instead we stole one from its mommy. It just seemed like the right thing to do.
We were taking care of the lifeguard’s cat, whose name was “Lifeguard (yes, oh so creative, I know).” While the human lifeguard was on vacation, the cat, Lifeguard, decided to have a litter of kittens and then, as some mothers do, proceeded to bail and never come home again. Actually, we did live in a trailer at the time…
Anyway, we raised these cute little creatures, feeding them Carnation canned milk (it was Saudi Arabia in the early 80’s. Cow milk wasn’t yet an option. Boxed milk and canned milk were. I am a worshipper of cow’s milk, and I didn’t consume milk for years!). We gave away all but one of the kittens. She was not my first kitten, but she was the first to live very long (no, I didn’t kill any of them). She was my deranged Saudi kitty. She was a great predator, often attacking my legs as I groggily (sometimes I need to make up my own words) attempted to get a drink of water in the wee hours. My legs still bear the scars.
I wanted a dog ever since. I now have two dogs and two cats. Two of them have Arabic names, one has a Yiddish name, and the other one is just Ned. I love them all, but let me tell you, there are differences between cats and dogs. Most of them have to do with excrement.
- Difference 1: Dogs poo outside. True, sometimes you step in it, but at least it’s not invading your nostrils at 10 p.m. because the damn cat has to poo every time you turn off the light to go to sleep.
- Difference 2: Dog and cat bumholes. A dog can actually understand your verbal proclamations of disgust. They may not stop ferociously licking themselves, but they understand.
- Difference 3: Dogs will lick your face. This may be after ferociously licking their own butts, so be warned. They just love you and want you to smell like their poo. Really, it’s a compliment.
- Difference 4: Cats vomit. Daily. Wet sticky piles. Full of fur and plant debris and the occasional soggy morsel of food. You step on them when it’s dark and you don’t have your contacts in. The dogs? They will lovingly eat this vomit for you. And then they are likely to give you another face bath.
In my bubble I own cats and dogs. If my bubble were to be a bit shinier, and happier, the cats would not be nocturnal, and they would do their business in the toilet. Also, the dogs would brush their teeth after licking themselves…
And not look so happy to share their poo with my face.