Run, naked lady, RUN!


I met my husband in a cadaver lab.  It wasn’t love at first sight, but I was quite certain that he smelled better than the body we were studying. Maybe love at first sniff?   Truth be told, I spotted him immediately.  His bald head (which I thought was only by choice.  A rebellious fashion statement?  14 years later, he’s apparently still rebelling), reflecting his well-toned muscular body.  One side of the cadaver lab was filled with a group of sorority girls, the other side was filled with the guys.  In the front were the dead people.  It felt a bit like a junior high dance… other than the corpses, of course.  I quickly chose the boys, because I am not a stupid girl.  Boys win over sorority girls and corpses ANY time!

I sat down next to Mr. Clean.  Our group chatted.  I had found myself, the art major, in her pajamas, who once again forgot to shave her legs, in the midst of a pre-med student, a pre-dental student, and my husband, a kinesiology major.  YES!  This would help me survive my Anatomy class.

As the first lab ended, I made sure to exchange phone numbers with my husband-to-be.  To study together.  Study?   Yes we did.  And I have the B+ on my transcripts to prove it.

We were at the condo he shared with his brother, during one of these late night study sessions. His brother was going to visit a friend.   Woo hoo!  We had the place to ourselves, to study Anatomy and prepare for our final.  It was snowing.  It was cold.  I was wearing wool socks.  Nothing else.  Just wool socks. Some people put on their thinking caps, I suppose I had my thinking socks on.  hehe.  Of course, they weren’t working.

We were relaxed and having fun, studying Anatomy in the living room, when we heard a sound at the front door.  We froze.

And then a key in the lock.

I ran.

My nekkid, wool sock wearing self, ran.

On hard wood floors.

I didn’t get very far.  It was like I had cartoon syndrome, spinning spinning spinning my feet. Unfortunately, at that point I did not zoom away, leaving a cloud of dust to hide my naked butt.

I fell.  I wiped out.  The door opened, and even though I was injured and bruised, I sucked it up and slip slided my way up those stairs as fast as I possibly could.

What did my future husband do? Well, what all men would do (and women, who are more confident in their early 20’s than I ever was).  Simply stayed where he was, and smiled (actually, if memory serves, he didn’t just smile.  He laughed.) as my future brother-in-law walked in the door.  The snow.  Damn snow.  It had forced him to return home.

I stayed upstairs, nursing my naked, bruised butt.  Cursing my wool socks.  Spontaneity has never been my friend.

Do you think I learned my lesson?  Oh no.   I accidentally fell asleep (studying can really tire a person out) during the next all-night Anatomy study session.  I woke up in the morning, and went down to the kitchen to grab some water.  There, in the dining room, sat a beautiful woman in a royal blue jogging suit. Um.  “Hello.”  I said.  “I just need some water.”  Ummmm.   Here she was.  My future mother-in-law.  This was our first meeting.


First impressions are everything.   And I actually wonder why she never liked me?  sigh.

At least I wasn’t wearing my wool socks.

I had morning breath, “Anatomy” hair, and probably a stomach ache from holding in my farts all night.  I was pretty.  Pretty scary.  I pretended that it was quite normal that I had just emerged from her youngest child’s room and shook her hand.  Just studying, after all.

So began my relationship with the in-laws.

In my bubble, I wear wool socks.  But, they aren’t slippery.  They grip hard wood floors like spider feet.  And I make cartoon bubbles when I need to hide my naked parts.  I also have the perfect thing to say in a first encounter with someone who is now the grandmother of my child.  Something eloquent about her son’s great anatomy.  Okay.  That last part is just a fantasy.  Excuse me while I put on my woolies… I feel a draft.


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