I met my husband in a cadaver lab. It wasn’t love at first sight, but I was quite certain that he smelled better than the body we were studying. Maybe love at first sniff? Truth be told, I spotted him immediately. His bald head (which I thought was only by choice. A rebellious fashion statement? 14 years later, he’s apparently still rebelling), reflecting his well-toned muscular body. One side of the cadaver lab was filled with a group of sorority girls, the other side was filled with the guys. In the front were the dead people. It felt a bit like a junior high dance… other than the corpses, of course. I quickly chose the boys, because I am not a stupid girl. Boys win over sorority girls and corpses ANY time!
I sat down next to Mr. Clean. Our group chatted. I had found myself, the art major, in her pajamas, who once again forgot to shave her legs, in the midst of a pre-med student, a pre-dental student, and my husband, a kinesiology major. YES! This would help me survive my Anatomy class.
As the first lab ended, I made sure to exchange phone numbers with my husband-to-be. To study together. Study? Yes we did. And I have the B+ on my transcripts to prove it.
We were at the condo he shared with his brother, during one of these late night study sessions. His brother was going to visit a friend. Woo hoo! We had the place to ourselves, to study Anatomy and prepare for our final. It was snowing. It was cold. I was wearing wool socks. Nothing else. Just wool socks. Some people put on their thinking caps, I suppose I had my thinking socks on. hehe. Of course, they weren’t working.
We were relaxed and having fun, studying Anatomy in the living room, when we heard a sound at the front door. We froze.
And then a key in the lock.
My nekkid, wool sock wearing self, ran.
On hard wood floors.
I didn’t get very far. It was like I had cartoon syndrome, spinning spinning spinning my feet. Unfortunately, at that point I did not zoom away, leaving a cloud of dust to hide my naked butt.
I fell. I wiped out. The door opened, and even though I was injured and bruised, I sucked it up and slip slided my way up those stairs as fast as I possibly could.
What did my future husband do? Well, what all men would do (and women, who are more confident in their early 20’s than I ever was). Simply stayed where he was, and smiled (actually, if memory serves, he didn’t just smile. He laughed.) as my future brother-in-law walked in the door. The snow. Damn snow. It had forced him to return home.
I stayed upstairs, nursing my naked, bruised butt. Cursing my wool socks. Spontaneity has never been my friend.
Do you think I learned my lesson? Oh no. I accidentally fell asleep (studying can really tire a person out) during the next all-night Anatomy study session. I woke up in the morning, and went down to the kitchen to grab some water. There, in the dining room, sat a beautiful woman in a royal blue jogging suit. Um. “Hello.” I said. “I just need some water.” Ummmm. Here she was. My future mother-in-law. This was our first meeting.
First impressions are everything. And I actually wonder why she never liked me? sigh.
At least I wasn’t wearing my wool socks.
I had morning breath, “Anatomy” hair, and probably a stomach ache from holding in my farts all night. I was pretty. Pretty scary. I pretended that it was quite normal that I had just emerged from her youngest child’s room and shook her hand. Just studying, after all.
So began my relationship with the in-laws.
In my bubble, I wear wool socks. But, they aren’t slippery. They grip hard wood floors like spider feet. And I make cartoon bubbles when I need to hide my naked parts. I also have the perfect thing to say in a first encounter with someone who is now the grandmother of my child. Something eloquent about her son’s great anatomy. Okay. That last part is just a fantasy. Excuse me while I put on my woolies… I feel a draft.